Nowhere outside of the royal courts of 19th century Europe do seating plans matter more. The closer you are to the front, the closer you are to God. Or, more accurately, to the designer’s celebrity muse, who increasingly wears their most bankable new design because she gets more publicity than the clothes ever do.

Fashion blogger Bryanboy’s Twitter stream is probably the best introduction to the Byzantine intrigues required to bag a front row place at a show. Yet what’s most interesting about all this is why it should still matter when these supposedly exclusive shows are all over the internet.

Burberry Menswear 2010

Luxury fashion brands like Gucci and Dior might be latecomers to the online table (and even they’ll probably only eat a cube of cheese), but their YouTube channels do something very clever. They increase the visibility of products most of us will never touch without making them feel cheap or overexposed. Online video is cheaper than 20 pages of ads in Vogue, reaches more people and extends the lifespan of what are monstrously expensive half hour junkets.

But more important than all of this – it’s not the same as being there. This kind of online promotion doesn’t replace the experience, it whets your appetite for the real thing, and pushes up the demand for catwalk show tickets up to feverish levels.

High fashion still has a lot to learn about doing business, but it can teach businesses a lot of things about desire. And desire is what makes people confuse want with need and reach for their credit cards.

As Valentine’s Day fast approaches we’re subjected to the annual display of tacky red balloons, heart shaped confetti and endless boxes of red ribboned chocolates currently setting-up camp in the windows of the all main high-street retailers.

Now I object to spending a small fortune on one day, which let’s be honest is nothing other than a mass marketing ploy by all the major brands to entice us to part with our hard earned cash. So for those of us who aim to beat the credit crunch you’ll be pleased to hear that there’s no need for that annual visit to Agent Provocateur or Hotel Chocolat but instead why not try Poundland.

Poundland which saw a 24% rise in sales last December has launched its first range of Valentine’s adult goodies. If you’re looking to exploit your naughtier side then this kinky collection is right up your street – nipple tassels, poser’s pouches, edible G-strings and chocolate willies are all available at a pound a pop – bargain!!

So if I’m not in on Monday morning it’ll mean they forgot to enclose the key to the red fluffy handcuffs – there are certain things that maybe we shouldn’t scrimp on!