Those pesky people at Ben & Jerry’s are attempting to traumatise those of us who are desperately trying to get their body bikini-ready at some point this summer by touting their wares FOR FREE across the UK today with their Fair Cone Day.

Yes, their Caramel Chew Chew is work of the ice cream gods and yes, it makes me want to cry tears of joy with every spoonful but it certainly isn’t going to make my arse look any less like two bags of porridge and any more like JLos.

As a grown woman I would love to be able to have mastered the art of self control but unfortunately, when it comes to pleasures of the gastronomic kind, I am at a lost (apart from mushrooms, bleaugh, you can keep your dirty mushrooms). Being based in Leicester Square the Ben & Jerry’s shop is a mere stones throw away. I’ve noted that the queue isn’t that long…that there’s still plenty of ice cream to go around…that the people look so happy as they leave with their cones-of-delight….!

But then I remember what happened last time I went on hols without any kind of abstention from pie, and from what I didn’t manage to block from memory, it wasn’t pretty and no amount of tanning was going to make that blubber-like substance ‘normal’.

And so the ongoing internal battle continues. Well, until 5pm at least when the offer ends…wish me luck!