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November 5th, 2010 by michael.frier

Seven men went to Mo….

The Speed Office has engaged in a bit of a hairy scenario this week. Seven members of the Speed Team are now officially taking part in Movember, under the team name Shaving Grace. Movember is essentially growing a Moustache for the whole of November and being sponsored to do this by people that get a certain schadenfreude from you looking like a complete tit. It is actually for a very worthy cause, The Prostate Cancer Charity – one man is killed every hour by the disease in the UK alone and it is the most common cancer in men.

Moustache growing in Speed has been going for nearly a week and it is safe to say that only John Brown (@brownbare) can argue he is actually styling the Mo’ right now. The rest of us are clearly still prepubescent and are now either sporting a bumfluffy lip or, as in the case of Matthew Watson (@mpwatson), seem to becoming more clean-shaven than ever. There are many claims that this is due to having light hair – but if we are very honest, it is a lack of manliness.

My own personal experience of Movember…it’s degrading. My girlfriend spent the first half of the week begging me not to do it; apparently she did not want to spend the next month stood next to a man resembling a 1980s German Backpacker. That was my analogy; she opted for comparing a Mo’d me to a paedophile…which was lovely. The second half of the week only got worse as my girlfriend failed to even notice I had grown one – she either can’t stand to look at me anymore or my Mo is not quite the Tom Selleck magnificence that I hoped it would be – I suspect my girlfriend was right and I will soon be sporting a Molestache on my top lip.

Still I hold high hopes for the rest of the month! Having wracked my brains I have figured out that those with the Mo’ always become leaders. There are many obvious examples which I am sure you can guess…I like to think that the growth of a Mo will automatically make me seem like a leader and pay rises, promotions and general good things will come my way before Movember has come to its razorsharp end. The only problem I do see on the horizon is when I have face-to-face client meetings whilst looking like John Waters love-child.

You may ask why we have subjected ourselves to the abuse that has obviously been hurled at us from our colleagues…yes obviously it’s a good cause…but really its because the definition of a Mo-man, as stated on the Movember site, “is a man dedicated and true to the cause of fine moustachery; aware of his responsibility to honour the moustache.” And who wouldn’t want to be a man like that.

Anyway, it’s a good cause and you know you like it when Speeples make tits of themselves – so please do donate generously here.

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August 5th, 2010 by Clare English

'Speeps' Profiles – Simon Matthews

This week, the winner of our ‘Wall of Shame’ competition (on the basis of the submission of this super snap), Simon Matthews, answers some suitably random questions about fetishes, football and the role of PR in today’s business climate.

Q – Tell us about your worst habit – throw in any fetishes.

A – I’m far too generous which has led to at least one of my friends owing me £600

Q – List the 3 most embarrassing things you’ve ever said/done – whilst sober.

A- Inadvertently accusing my step-step-grandfather (step-dad’s step-dad) of using inflatable sex dolls – in my defence I was young and didn’t really understand what I was talking about.

In ‘Nam I fell down an open manhole while walking across a field with my friends, after an interesting run in with some prostitutes who stole 100,000 Dong (about 5 of her majesty’s sterling pounds) – without any form of professional services being exchanged I hasten to add.

I once ate a habenero chilli in one mouthful because an attractive lady bet I couldn’t. I was successful in the attempt but my mouth was in such a state of pain and dribbling that I was rendered insensible.

Q – What’s your take on today’s business climate and the role & importance of PR?

A – It’s still a little rocky out there in places and PR is as important as ever – if not more so. A company with no PR will struggle for awareness in a competitive business environment, so they need us to put them right in front of their customers in a way that advertising and other marketing disciplines can’t.

Q – Are you a football fan? Why? Who do you support? Have they won anything?

A – Crystal Palace. Winning is for chumps.

Q – I hear match.com will soon have a new member – what qualities do you possess that one might…consider?

A – In the name of research, I have bravely volunteered to sign up to match.com. Apart from being generally great at everything, I’m a pretty good cook. All I can ask is that the ladies form an orderly queue.

Q – Name your top 3 Speeps and the reasons why you love them/don’t love them so much. We’re an honest bunch, don’t be afraid of the possibly hostile repercussions.

A – Very difficult to choose as I do like all of you lot, despite your best efforts – here’s an arbitrary selection:

Bex has to get a look in on this – she’s lovely and, as a bonus, hasn’t fired me.

John Brown – often looks quite dapper and is the source of many japes.

Nicole – lunch buddy extraordinaire.

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May 5th, 2010 by Speed Budapest (Matt)

Speed poll: Conservatives 44%, Lib Dems 36%, Labour 12%

The General Election is set to take place tomorrow and almost every newspaper and news channel in the land seems to have carried out a poll of some sort. At present The Sun has The Conservatives leading with 35 per cent, Labour on 30 per cent, and the Lib Dems trailing behind with 24 per cent. But the only poll that the party leaders really need to take notice of is Speed’s office poll.

The result of our internal staff poll suggest that the Conservatives will enjoy a landslide victory with 44 per cent of the vote. The Liberal Democrats are put in second place with 36 per cent and the Labour party is placed in third position with just 12 per cent.

The results of the poll also revealed that 4 per cent of Speed staff would be voting for independent candidates. Another 4 per cent said that they intended to vote for John Brown, despite him not running for a parliamentary seat.

The results are based on a turnout of 67.57 per cent, which is markedly higher than the turnout at the 2005 General Election when just 61.3 per cent of people bothered to vote.

Who would you like to see in 10 Downing Street?

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March 26th, 2010 by Chris McCrudden

Imitation is the insanest form of flattery

Just when you thought Lady GaGa fever had broken, and we could all return to life lived at a normal temperature, it gets even weirder.

This one goes out to John Brown @brownbare, whose intrepid investigation of the Chatroulette ‘platform’ led him to conclude that it was mostly used by men who, in the immortal words of the DiVinyls, like to touch themselves.

It’s Telephone reinterpreted by a Chatroulette regular. I shall discreetly refuse to speculate what this guy is on, but he needs to think about reducing the dosage. Enjoy, and happy Friday.


March 2nd, 2010 by Chris McCrudden

Share and share alike

Inspired by m’learned friend John Brown‘s post on the Chatroulette craze (here),  I  thought here and now was a good time to talk about a somewhat contentious trend: Sharing. More specifically, with the internet in the middle, where does our privacy end and the public (and, by inference,  publicity) begin?

There’s a good summary of differences in generational attitude to privacy by David Aaronovitch here, but the argument boils down to this. Some people think social networking encourages us a kind of social pornography, where we let everything hang out to such an extent that they lay bare our relationships, financial and professional lives to anyone who cares to look. This, they say, is a bad thing.

Those on the other side, take a more pragmatic view given that it’s pretty unlikely that the social media genie will go back in the bottle now.  They contend that if you’ve grown up to live your life with an audience, it’s normal and we should just get on with it. After all, plenty of ideas about our society that we now take for granted as unambiguously good – for example, democracy or the abolition of slavery – were once thought daring or downright immoral. Why should sharing your life with the internet be any different over the long-term?

So far so black and white. As usual, however, the truth probably lies somewhere in the middle. And take a deep breath now, because here comes the history.

The argument that the kind of communal life we can now live online via Facebook, Twitter et al is an unprecendented shift for human interaction is total bunk. Humans have lived within tight-knit communities that watched one another, shared stuff with one another and (more on why this is important below) judged one another’s actions since before we came down from the trees. The 19th and 20th centuries may have splintered those kind of bonds by physically breaking up geographical communities, but geographically neutral social media can help restore them.

The ‘campaigning’ spirit we also see on social networks – for the NHS or against everyone from Trafigura to Jan Moir – is also a sign that this kind of communication encourages people to think of morality as being a collective rather than individual concept. Again, this is a very old notion, dating back to pre-Reformation Europe, when a ‘good’ or ‘godly’ person was someone who did good deeds rather than think good thoughts, which was where the Protestants parted company with Catholics.

So it’s an old argument. Am I ‘myself’ what I think I am, or am I happy to be what my network (or community) sees? And if my conception of myself comes partly from other people, is it possible for privacy to exist?

But what relevance does all this have to Chatroulette?

More than you’d think. I’d say that Chatroulette is the exception that proves the rule about online communities. Because it isn’t one. Functional communities are self-regulating. They set rules, whether these are spoken or unspoken, and people who transgress those are punished by social exclusion. I don’t sleep with my brother’s wife because I value my relationship with my brother. And I don’t make racist comments on Twitter because I know these would insult my followers and I value their respect. As humans we’re attuned to set boundaries for sharing what is appropriate.

Chatroulette is different. It doesn’t matter whether what you do on it is polite, rude or downright offensive because it’s a random interaction that has little chance of getting back to your own network. There’s no punishment for not playing nice, so many people don’t.To purloin a hackneyed phrase: “what happens on Chatroulette, stays on Chatroulette”.

Privacy, like time and space, is relative. And we’ve had millions of years to deal with that.

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